“Kidding” the Haunting Memory Story: Reflecting on the Concept of Pain That “Is Not Kidding”

Abstract

Background and Objectives: Urban societies are undergoing rapid transformation, both materially and mentally, giving rise to a multitude of new forms of storytelling. A noticeable phenomenon in contemporary Thai society has been bullying, particularly through communication, where the phrase “just kidding” often served as a trigger for interpersonal conflict. Although seemingly playful, such expressions frequently caused emotional discomfort for the target. The researcher is interested in exploring the personal narratives of being “kidded” or teased within the Thai context. It was part of the larger research project entitled “Kidding Story Not a Kidding”: Study Based on Applied Folklore with the Development of Process Framework for Enhancing Awareness of Creative Communication and Empathy in the Thai Social Context. Specifically, this research article aimed to 1) classify the kidding narratives based on the tale type of folktales, 2) examine the conceptual themes reflected from these narratives, and 3) study the functions of the phrase “just kidding.”

Methods: This study employed a qualitative research approach. The data were collected through open-ended questionnaires administered to 349 students from the Faculty of Education, Silpakorn University, in the academic year 2023. The data were then analyzed using content analysis.

Results: The results showed that a total of 13 tale types of kidding stories were identified, as follows: A: kidding stories about physical appearance, B: kidding stories about clothing and makeup, C: kidding stories about physical illness or bodily disabilities, D: kidding stories involving physical harm, E: kidding stories using language that references sex, F: kidding stories that create shocking or disappointing situations, G: kidding stories related to social status, H: kidding stories about intelligence, I: kidding stories about love, J: kidding stories about gender identity, K: kidding stories using sarcastic compliments, L: kidding stories in serious situations, and M: kidding stories used to reconcile or make amends.They also showed the conceptual themes reflected in the narratives consisted of 1) kidding and the person who kids, 2) kidding and the age of kidding, 3) kidding and reality, 4) kidding and the atmosphere of kidding. The functions of the phrase “just kidding” also included 1) a way to excuse or justify one’s words or actions, 2) a form of negative entertainment, 3) a means to mask true feelings or avoid losing face, 4) a tool to express underlying resentment toward the listener, and 5) a device used in efforts to reconcile or apologize.

Application of this study: The analysis of the narrative types, concepts, and functions of the phrase “just kidding” revealed how such expressions could lead to bullying, quarrels, or various forms of loss. It highlighted that the root problem was a lack of empathy and communicative awareness in society. The findings of the study therefore accurately reflect the core of the problem, providing insights that can be applied to the development of innovations aimed at fostering empathy and promoting communication awareness. Moreover, the research results can be further utilized to formulate school or organizational policies to reduce bullying.

Conclusions: The phrase “just kidding,” as spoken by the teaser, was often not received as a joke by the one targeted. While the speaker might have acted unconsciously, the listener often internalized the experience as a painful memory. The words “just kidding” had the potential to inflict deep emotional wounds, erode self-confidence, and even contribute to long-term psychological trauma. Ordinary individuals could be left feeling isolated or fearful of social interaction. This study underscored the urgent need for society to reconsider the careless use of “just kidding” as the excuse of carelessness in interpersonal communication. These findings provide a basis for developing tools that enhance interpersonal understanding and promote mindful communication. In addition, they can be applied to the formulation of policies in schools and educational institutions to prevent bullying and to create safer and more inclusive environments.